Belinda Carbuncle
  Upcoming Gigs  
  The Band  
  The Songs  
  Get in touch  
  Ask Dr. Buncle  
  Vote of the week  
  Dress Paul  
  <% Response.Write FormatDateTime( Date,vbLongDate)%>  

Made in England
© Belinda Carbuncle


by Slim Steve

Upon reaching the more delicate years of his twenties, humble Steve Buncle takes a reflective look at the discoveries he has made through this difficult time…

1. My prostate.

2. Shoulder hair is not a blessing.

3. You can be tried as an adult.

4. Devon.

5. Condoms have a use by date.

6. A sabbatical is not a samurai weapon.

7. It is necessary to lick a fox cub's arse to encourage it to defecate.

8. Anchovies are a fish product.

9. February is spelt with two r's.

10. Washing, pleading, dining, changing bed sheets, and announcing your imminent death are all worthwhile ways of getting a shag.
10 (b) Sitting through a video of Dirty Dancing is not.

11. Olives are for decoration only, not consumption. (Surely?)

12. Sheep are useless on their backs. (Honest, I'll tell you all the story one day… Though I've probably already told most people - you know how a few beers can loosen the tongue, so to speak.)

13. A lump on Lefty. (Unlucky for some).

14. Never trust a man whose eyebrows meet in the middle. (Or a girl whose knees meet in the middle).

15. Fancying female primary school teachers is something you never grow out of.

16. Checked shirts never go out of fashion.

17. Gaining a degree in Theatre and Performance Studies is a sure-fire way to end up digging holes for a living.

18. You know you are getting old when you start making lists…

19. Better out than in.

20. I have 10 months in which to make a new discovery.

Stay tuned for Steve's next exciting instalment of this series, 'Thirty things I've discovered in my thirties…' due on-line by 2011.

The decade after will see a slightly altered arrangement to this series, as Steve lists 'Forty things I've forgotten in my forties…'

The fourth and final series will look at 'Fifty reasons Slim Steve did not make it to his fifties…'. Here we will find a scathing attack on our education system, and an appraisal of how it failed to advise our Steve of the correct way to wire a plug. This final chapter will be called 'Lord Let the Earth be Brown…' the words of which will fit sweetly to the tune of 'Brown Car'. (Be warned ladies, this is bound to be a very emotional number).

More Things this way...

  Magic Orwell!  
Restless? Bored? Welsh?
Just click on the MAGIC ORWELL to go to a better place...

I don't like it down here, I want my mum