Do what?

I went up to Scotland
I went into a caf
The menu just said haggis
I said "What else can I have?"
And the bloke behind the counter said to me
"How do you do, Sir! Why, we have a most extensive range of exquisite
Highland cuisine... allow me to take your jacket whilst you peruse our
wine list"

And I said "Do what? I didn't hear what you said,
Fukkin try and fukkin talk fukkin properly,
Do what? I didn't hear what you said,
Fukkin try and fukkin talk fukkin properly,
I can't hear a single word, what do you want you bleedin turd?
Why can't you talk lucidly?"

I went down to Brighton
I went into a shop
I said "Good morning,
I would like to buy a pair of socks"
And the bloke behind the counter said to me
"Well, I've got a nice pair of pink socks, and I've got a lovely pair of
yellow socks... aren't you in that pop band with the foxy drummer?"

And I said "Do what? I didn't hear what you said,
Fukkin try and fukkin talk fukkin properly,
Do what? I didn't hear what you said,
Fukkin try and fukkin talk fukkin properly,
I can't hear a single word, what do you want you bleedin turd?
Why can't you talk lucidly?"

If only you could talk like me then I'd know what you meant
But I suppose it ain't your fault that you're not from East Kent

I went up to Yorkshire
I went into a pub
I said "Good afternoon,
Do you do any decent grub?"
And the bloke behind the counter said to me
"Oh indeed we do, my charming friend! And may I say what a pleasure it
is to welcome a gentleman so immaculately attired and evidently
well-bred to our humble establishment... perhaps Sir would care for an
aperitif?"

And I said "Do what? I didn't hear what you said,
Fukkin try and fukkin talk fukkin properly,
Do what? I didn't hear what you said,
Fukkin try and fukkin talk fukkin properly,
I can't hear a single word, what do you want you bleedin turd?
Why can't you talk lucidly? Ooooo-eeeee(!)"

© Belinda Carbuncle

Slim Paul says: Some hold, when hospitality died in England, she gave her last groan amongst the yeomen of Kent. And farted on Deal. As it says in the good book, Cleanliness is next to Godliness, but Sheerness is miles away from Dungeness.

Slick Nick says: Bollocks if you're Welsh.

Slim Steve says: This insight is under construction.