Song about being an alien

Hello - I'm an alien! My name is Zit. Here's 3 zogras, I'll have a pint of best please. Everything starts with z on our planet cos we're aliens. The best thing about being an alien is having two willies and the worst thing is having to keep stopping off in cornfields to empty both bladders. I like your earth girls, they give me the horns. Nice bums. All the girls on planet Zthsormbviwojgfwxdippglvnyxmidvku look like Moira Stewart and they are perpetually miserable. They've got farty breath. I wish I was a librarian in a big checked shirt like Rory Gallagher wore when he got bigger and his mate had to stamp on his head. I met Buz today. I learnt many useful everyday phrases. Funbags! Oooh Matron! Oi oi saveloy! Soapy tit wank! Fuck off you're shit! I wrote a poem, it goes like this... Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm going to sneeze, Achooo! It's not very good is it? But I'm only a fukkin alien.

© Belinda Carbuncle

Slim Paul says: There are three types of people in this world - those who can count and those who can't.

Slick Nick says: Blip blop I am from another place. Blip blop I am not like you.

Slim Steve says: Die human scum! Better still, dye human scum.